When Breastfeeding Doesn't Go As Planned

Breastfeeding seems like such a natural part of motherhood, however, it does not come easy for every mother.

When I was pregnant, I was so determined to breastfeed my son exclusively. I couldn't wait to provide milk for him, and I fully planned on trying to nurse for two years like the experts recommend now. At the very least, my minimum goal was to make it to one year.

Unfortunately, that isn't what happened. My milk dried up shortly before my son turned 9 months old.

Breastfeeding was a struggle from the very beginning. My delivery was difficult, 13 hours of labor ending in emergency c-section. Then, my son had some problems that required immediate attention - he had jaundice and dangerously low blood sugar. 

The doctor and nurses gave me two days while in the hospital to attempt to breastfeed. It was very difficult, and even with additional pumping, nothing was coming out yet. I knew that it could take almost a week for milk to come, but in my son's situation, we couldn't wait a week. His levels weren't improving with the few drops of colostrum I was providing.

I was told we needed to supplement with formula because my milk hadn't "come in" yet, because he needed nourishment right away to bring his levels back up to a healthy number. I won't lie, when I was pregnant I bought into the whole "formula shaming" bandwagon that's going on these days, so when I was told formula was necessary, I hung my head in shame and cried right there in front of the doctor and nurses.

His levels did get better after having formula, his jaundice improved, and they allowed us to go home on day 4. On day 5, my milk started to come. However, the struggle didn't go away.

You don't need the fairy tale

When it comes to matters of the heart, some women tend to think they need the best, most grand experience to really feel the "magic". Especially when it comes to proposals, and weddings, if it isn't grandiose and ridiculously over-the-top, then it isn't special.

I'm looking at you, Bridezillas.

Me? I'm a simple kind of girl - I do not need the fancier things in order to be happy with my life. My husband and I certainly live a very humble and quiet life. Honestly, we really like it that way.

When it came to the proposal, it was extremely simple. One morning, while Mark was out reading on the deck, I heard him calling me to come join him. He stood up from his chair, took my hands, and proceeded to very emotionally tell me what I meant to him. The next thing I knew, he was on one knee and asked me to marry him. The deck is our favorite spot of the house - it's our quiet little space, with a beautiful view of the mountains and greenery. Him proposing to me there, in "our spot" was just perfect. To me, it was romantic and sweet. Mark told me he hemmed and hawed about proposal ideas, but in the end, he decided to play it simple. It was the happiest moment of my life.

Our wedding was very simple, as well. I did not have the fairy tale wedding. I know many women want the "big" wedding, the princess wedding gown, the flowers, the decorations, lovely music, enormous cake, etc. They want the Disney princess style wedding, the wedding they see in cheesy Hugh Grant romantic comedies, the wedding they've dreamed about and built up in their mind since they were six years old.

Maybe I'm different, because every since I was a child, I actually always wanted a tiny wedding. Thinking about planning a wedding stressed me out. Mark and I decided to do something extremely (yes, you guessed it) simple. Nothing fancy or expensive. To us, being married is what mattered. I just wanted to be his wife.

Our married life is often very quiet, laid back, and calm. I like it. I find joy in the small things of our daily lives together as a married couple. I am thankful for him every day.

Sure, maybe we don't have the fairy tale lifestyle, but he does make me feel like a princess. And he's my prince charming.